Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
