tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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