i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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