i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
