I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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