Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
