Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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