the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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