The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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