THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
