So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
