he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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