So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
