You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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