Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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