do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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