Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
