arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
