Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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