I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
