We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
