i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
