ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
