you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
