just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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