After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
