sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
