remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
