She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
