have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
