I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
