dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
