If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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