I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
