this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
