It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize