fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.