i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.