I wish life had little blips of pornography
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.