so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it