you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.