I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
