Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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