The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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