He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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