I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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