He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize