It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
