I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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