Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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