Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
do nipples grow back?
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