I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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