I think my fart just growled at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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