She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize