Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
