Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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