Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
