I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
