THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
