A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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