Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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