He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
