remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
