Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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