the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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