watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
