Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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