Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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