he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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