He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
