you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
