yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
