I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
